Turning to Mindfulness as a Mom
Parenthood is admittedly something I was entirely naive about until I became a mom. And I have to say, it is hard out here. The research is right that says parents are all too stressed out right now. I understand the constant struggle of being passionate about my job and being a mom and feeling there are not enough hours in the day to attend to both. I understand all too well the impossible structure of childcare navigating the cost, sick kids, and limited hours. Having the experience of waking up every few hours at night with a newborn for months while still showing up fully for my job. Not to mention navigating a societal culture of judgment feeling that no matter what I did I wasn’t doing motherhood “right.”
So what are parents to do besides succumbing to the stress?
Though I don’t have any clear answers for childcare, accommodations for new parents, or societal attitudes around kids - this is needing a larger cultural shift - I turn to mindfulness and gratitude to navigate through the challenges of being a new mom.
What worked for me
Boundaries. As a people-pleaser this was where I grew the most as a mom. My people pleasing tendencies were causing mental exhaustion to me and therefore led to not being fully present as a mom. I learned quickly what my “yeses and nos” were and went through my own journey of growth in how to effectively communicate boundaries with others.
Sobriety. As vulnerable of a topic as this is, it is important to note the priority I learned about keeping my mind and body healthy in order to have the energy I needed in order to show up as my best self. Alcohol- even in small amounts- was robbing my energy and mental health. It was after a close reflection of my relationship with alcohol that I learned it had no room in my life anymore.
Being present in my world of motherhood. No baby is the same, no family is the same, no parents are the same. This individuality gets lost in the many books, articles, and social media posts on “parenting advice.” Once I changed my lens to my own family system, I realized I know more than I think about being a mom. I let go of expectations of being an expert and gave myself permission to mess up, try again, and enjoy the journey of learning.
Redefining ‘mom guilt.’ When scrolling social media (ugh, I know), I came across something that said ‘guilt is something you feel after you do something wrong. Likely, you are feeling immense love and care for your child. You are willing to work really hard to be a great mom, which you are.’ This led me to reframe guilt in terms of grief. I gave myself permission to miss parts of my life I wasn’t actively engaged with while being attuned to what the emotion of grief was needing in terms of kindness and comfort.
Mindfulness Questions
What’s working in your life right now?
How have you grown in the past week or month?
What are your current sources of rest?
What might be something that you are doing that is no longer serving you well?
Where in your day can you find comfort?
Books
Mister Rogers Talks With Parents by Fred Rogers and Barry Head
Some outdated information in this book though I still love the message it provides.
Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel Siegel
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
